Why am I here? What am I doing this for? I”ll tell you. I’m here because my daughter wants me here. Since you don’t, there is no reason for me to stick around. I cannot believe that you would do this to me, but I”m not surprised. I know, I know, all I do is work, go to college, and take care of my household. HOW DARE I! Just who in the hell do I think I am?! I have done everything in my power to provide for my family mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. I have bent over backwards trying to prove my love for you while you have repeatedly spat in my face. I cannot take this anymore.
You think you are being clever, but I already know what game you are playing. You think you can call me “honey” or “baby” to my face, but tell your buddies that you are single and try to hook-up on the sneak? You’ve tried that before and got caught, why would you think this time would be any different? I said before that you are not going to play me for a fool, but apparently that meant nothing to you. That right there is the biggest problem. Words mean absolutely nothing to you. All those things you said before, like starting over, leaving some bad influences behind, changing bad habits, that had no meaning whatsoever. It’s a real slap in the face to know that you would rather play with my emotions than be honest with me.
At one time, I thought we were lovers and friends. I will not make that mistake again. It really is sad, but if that is not what you wanted, why carry on like it was? I feel like I have invested too much to just give up, but you give me no reason to keep trying. I would love to spend more time with you. To hold you, caress you, protect you. But, I see you have your phone buddy to do all of that. It pains me because when all your so-called friends continuously stabbed you in the back, when it seemed like the world turned against you, I was there. I had your back. I laid there shedding tears with you. I wanted to be your soft place to fall. It was a bonding experience that meant something deeper than sexual intimacy. For the first time in a long time, we were one. I felt your pain, and I wanted to do everything in my power to take that hurt from you.
What I have received in return was all the pain that was inflicted on you. You took the knives used to carve you up, and turned them against me. I’m afraid that these wounds may never heal. What have I done to deserve this? What have I not done? I cannot figure it out at all. I try to talk to you, you bury your head in your phone. I try to relax with you, you bury your head in your phone. I touch you, you don’t want to be touch, I try to spend time with you, you want to be left alone. Do you understand how that makes me feel? Do you actually care? In all honesty, I already know you don’t. I shouldn’t even bother to ask a question I know the answer to. When we can’t spend quality time together as a couple, then logic dictates that we are no longer a couple.
I’m in love with you. I love being with you. I love everything about you. But, if that love is unrequited, what reason is there for me to stay around? I refuse to be miserable while you act as if you don’t have a care in the world. As the old saying goes, I’d rather be alone than be unhappy. It seems to be too late to fix anything. What we once had is long gone. You have used me for the last time. I cannot continue on this way. Maybe it is time for me to step out on my own. After all, if you are single, then I am single too.
My daughter just told me that someone stole the school bus while the driver was at lunch, but it’s okay because they only stole it for the day and will give it back tomorrow so they won’t get into any trouble. I’m not sure it works that way.
I don’t understand it at all. It’s 11:30 at night, and these kittens have now decided to run around and jump all over me. If their mother doesn’t come get them, I’ll let the dog sort them out…